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    1. 當前位置: 主頁 > 經典語錄 > 100句簡短幽默的經典語錄

      100句簡短幽默的經典語錄

      時間:2019-01-07 21:14 來源:語錄大全 點擊:

      1、不怕虎一樣的敵人,就怕豬一樣的隊友。


      2、走自己的路,讓別人打車去吧。


      3、老鼠扛刀,滿街找貓。


      4、只要功夫深,拉屎也認真。


      5、夏天就是不好,窮的時候我連西北風都沒得喝……


      6、中國人誰跑的最快?是曹操(非劉翔)。因為說曹操曹操到。


      7、思想有多遠,你就給我滾多遠。


      8、只有在火車站大排長龍時,才能真正意識到自己是“龍的傳人”。


      9、有情人終成家屬。


      10、春天來了,一群大雁正向北飛,一會兒排成B字型,一會兒排成T字型。


      11、在哪里跌倒嗎,就在哪里躺下。


      12、出問題先從自己身上找原因,別一便秘就怪地球沒引力。


      13、驢是的念來過倒。


      14、吃自助最高境界:扶墻進,扶墻出。


      15、雖然我長的不是很帥,但小時候也有人夸我左邊鼻孔很偶像派。


      16、沒有錢,沒有權,再不對你好點,你能跟我?


      17、拿份報紙上廁所,俺是讀書人。


      18、女人一定要對自己好一點。一旦累死了,就會有別的女人花你的錢,住你的房,睡你的老公,打你的娃!


      19、你的丑和你的臉沒有關系……


      20、爺爺都是從孫子走過來的……


      21、老天,你讓夏天和冬天同居了嗎?!生出這種鬼天氣!


      22、鳥大了什么林子都有!


      23、不怕虎一樣的敵人,就怕豬一樣的隊友。


      24、我拼命奔跑,卻甩不開緊緊跟隨的傷悲……


      25、人類是狗最好的伙伴。


      26、找不到我喜歡的傘,我寧愿淋濕。


      27、你飛翔的越高,在不能飛的人的眼中就顯得越渺小。


      28、第一最好不相見,如此便可不相戀,第二最好不相知,如此便可不相思。


      29、不做無聊之事,難度有生之涯。


      30、扛一面頂風的大旗,上寫兩個大字:好人!!


      31、有些事情本身我們無法控制,只好控制自己。


      32、寧愿驕傲的孤單,也不委屈的喜歡。


      33、貓步走向社會!


      34、兄弟從前的情感生活,那也是頗為凌亂的。


      35、我花8萬買了個西周陶罐,昨兒到《鑒寶》欄目進行鑒定,專家嚴肅地說:“這哪是西周的?這是上周的!”


      36、魚說:“我時時刻刻把眼睜開是為了在你身邊不舍離開。”水說:“我終日流淌不知疲倦是為了圍繞你,好好把你抱緊。”鍋說:“都他媽快熟了還這么多廢話。”


      37、唐僧西行遇一女妖,觀其乳豐臀肥,故欲行房事,女妖見狀驚呼:長老!小女月經在身恐有行房不便!唐僧聽罷雙手合一道:阿彌陀佛,貧僧正為取經而來!


      38、靜坐常思己過,閑談莫論人非,能受苦乃為志士,肯吃虧不是癡人,敬君子方顯有德,怕小人不算無能。


      39、有多少愛可以胡來!!


      40、始終沒有淪為一個優秀的大學生,靠的就是堅強的品質!


      41、監獄不倒,我不學好!


      42、我要讓全世界知道我很低調!


      43、癡情的男人像誰不好非像我!


      44、我和瘋子的區別在于我沒有瘋!


      45、有筆有夢有肝膽,亦狂亦使亦溫文。


      46、年輕只有一次,青春不能重來。所以要百無禁忌、瀟灑顛覆全世界——搞怪要徹底,破壞要有力,闖禍走專利,裝乖走絕技,整人靠天份,被整看緣分。


      47、卸無可卸的包袱,退無可退的道路,忍無可忍的眼淚,追無可追的前途。


      48、如果我在醒來前死去,我祈求上帝帶走我的靈魂……


      49、當蜘蛛網無情地查封了我的爐臺,當灰燼的余煙嘆息著貧困的悲哀,我依然固執地鋪平失望的灰燼,用美麗的雪花寫下:相信未來。


      50、也許經過人生激烈的搏斗后,我死得比那湖水還要平靜。那請去墓地尋找的我的碑文,上面仍刻著:熱愛生命。


      51、燃起的香煙中飄出過未來的幻夢,藍色的云霧是掙扎過希望的黎明。而如今這煙縷卻成了我心中的愁緒,匯成了低沉的含雨未落的云層。


      52、還是干脆忘掉她吧,乞丐尋不到人間的溫存,我清楚地看到未來,漂泊才是命運的女神。


      53、人群中若你也有情意,請用眉目傳遞!


      54、同時綻放在夜空里的花火,看得到彼此美麗的時刻,我卻無法照亮你的一生……


      55、裝逼的男人最容易被感動,因為他們連感動都是裝的。


      56、人要是無聊啊鼻涕泡都能拿來玩會。


      57、見到我以后你會突然發現原來帥,也可以這樣具體呀!


      58、參加選美的那些女人,都找不到好男人,因為好男人都結婚了,比如我。


      59、如果領導下個月再不給我加薪,我就辭職,辭職前再給他送兩條中華,抽死他。


      60、如果豬都會飛了,誰還買飛機?騎著豬上天不就行了。


      61、我的領帶又找不到了,是不是你昨天又沒有找到抹布?


      62、在埃及,一個男人可以娶四個老婆,那得多累啊,還是中國好。


      63、你還是讓我跪搓板吧,跪電暖氣是在受不了啊!


      64、我就算是一只癩蛤蟆,我也決不娶母癩蛤蟆。


      65、生活有時就像被太監強奸一樣--反抗是痛苦,不反抗還是痛苦!


      66、別惹我,否則我會讓你死得很有節奏感。


      67、不是每句對不起,都能換來沒關系。


      68、如果我做了皇帝,就封你當太子!


      69、獲致幸福的不二法門是珍視你所擁有的、遺忘你所沒有的。


      70、舌頭比牙齒更長壽,軟件比硬件更長久。


      71、保護自己,愛護他人,請不要半夜出來嚇人。


      72、鮮花往往不屬于賞花的人,而屬于牛糞。


      73、世界上難以自拔的,除了牙齒,還有愛情。


      74、08年8月8號結婚是個不錯的主意。


      75、躺在床上看電視不如在看電視時上床。


      76、給我一個支點,我把鄰居那小子的汽車翹到溝里去,省得他見我就按喇叭。


      77、下輩子我還找你,因為除了我,你是最傻的。


      78、長個包子樣就別怨狗跟著!


      79、如果說美貌是推薦信,那么善良就是信用卡!


      80、舌頭比牙齒更長壽,軟件比硬件更加長久。


      81、玩感情?我會讓你哭的很有節奏。


      82、聽見某個名字,想起某些事情,這個城市安靜的讓人心顫。


      83、如果說美貌是推薦信,那么善良就是信用卡!


      84、逆風的方向,更適合翱翔我不怕萬人阻擋,只怕自己投降。


      85、人的一生就象在拉屎,有時你已經很努力了可出來的只是一個屁。


      86、和人接觸的時間越長,我就越喜歡狗,狗永遠是狗,人有時候不是人!


      87、婚姻就像迷宮,蓋婚姻的人自己就已經先迷路了。


      88、開車無難事,只怕有新人。


      89、本無意與眾不同,怎奈何品味出眾。


      90、彪悍的人生不需要解釋。


      91、是金子總要發光的,但當滿地都是金子的時候,我自己也不知道自己是哪顆了。


      92、踏遍青樓人未老,請用匯仁腎寶。


      93、爺爺都是從孫子走過來的。  摘自:語錄   www.3dktu.com


      94、豬有豬的思想,人有人的思想。如果豬有人的思想,那它就不是豬了--是八戒。


      95、買了電腦不上寬帶,就好比酒肉都準備好了卻在吃飯前當了和尚。


      96、天上掉鈔票我不會彎腰,因為天上連餡餅都不會掉,更別說掉鈔票了。


      97、你給我買10條煙總比我去一次夜總會劃算吧。


      98、其實我是一個天才,只可惜天妒英才!


      99、偶爾幽生活一默你會覺得很爽,但生活幽你一默就慘了。


      100、爭吵的時候,男人和女人的區別像是步槍和機關槍的區別。


      文章標題:100句簡短幽默的經典語錄

      文章地址:http://www.3dktu.com/jingdianyulu/176.html 版權所有,轉載請注明出處。


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