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    1. 當前位置: 主頁 > 搞笑語錄 > 100句幽默詼諧的搞笑語錄

      100句幽默詼諧的搞笑語錄

      時間:2018-04-25 19:34 來源:語錄大全 點擊:

      1、我自橫刀向天笑,笑完我就去睡覺。


      2、時間太瘦,指縫太寬。


      3、坐等丈母娘發貨。


      4、男人賺錢后想和老婆離婚,男人賺不到錢老婆想和他離婚。


      5、我們的目標:向錢看,向厚賺。


      6、我是你轉身就忘的路人甲,憑什么陪你蹉跎年華到天涯?


      7、間歇性郁悶癥發作期間,生人勿擾,熟人勿找。


      8、媽媽在也不用擔心我的學習,一手拿著教科書,一手拿著打火機,那里不會點那里。


      9、帥有個屁用!到頭來還不是被卒吃掉!


      10、如果你愿意一層一層一層的剝開我的心 你會發現我缺心眼。


      11、車道山前必有路,有路我也剎不住。


      12、藥藥切克鬧,我說孫子你說到。


      13、憑你那智商不要數星星,數月亮吧!


      14、當生活心懷歹毒地將一切都搞成了黑色幽默,我順水推舟把自己變成了一個受過高等教育的流氓。


      15、老師說,你們現在不好好學習,以后找對象就是填空題,現在好好學習,以后找對象就是選擇題!


      16、明月幾時有,自己抬頭瞅。


      17、英雄不問出路,流氓不看歲數。


      18、沒有醫保和壽險的,天黑后不要見義勇為……


      19、琴棋書畫不會,洗衣做飯嫌累。


      20、說金錢是罪惡,都在撈;說美女是禍水,都想要;說高處不勝寒,都在爬;說煙酒傷身體,都不戒;說天堂最美好,都不去!


      21、擠公交是包含散打、瑜珈、柔道、平衡木等多種體育和健身項目于一體的綜合性運動。


      22、老娘法眼一開就知道你是個妖孽了。


      23、手插口袋,誰都不愛。


      24、路見不平一聲吼,吼完繼續往前走。


      25、沒有不透風的墻,沒有不能上吊的梁。


      26、執子之手,將子拖走!子若不走,拍暈了繼續拖走!


      27、個頭大就一定厲害嗎?恐龍不是照樣滅絕了!


      28、媽媽問我有男朋友了么,我說沒有,媽媽說:這個可以有,我說:這個真沒有……


      29、理想很豐滿,現實卻很骨感。


      30、手拿菜刀砍電線,一路火花帶閃電。


      31、雷鋒做了好事不留名,但是每一件事情都記到日記里面。


      32、我又不是人民幣,怎么能讓人人都喜歡我?


      33、令人不能自拔的,除了牙齒還有愛情。


      34、我深信,會有一個男人是為受我的折磨而來到這世上的。


      35、父母忽悠孩子叫教育;孩子忽悠父母叫欺騙;互相忽悠叫代溝。


      36、別跟我談感情,談感情傷錢。


      37、愛是費盡心力地全身投入,然后再百轉千回地抽身而出!


      38、情侶間最矛盾的地方就是幻想彼此的未來,卻惦記著對方的過去。


      39、還沒來得及去沾花惹草,就被人拔光了。


      40、你有什么不開心的事?說出來讓大家開心一下。


      41、我那么喜歡你,你喜歡我一下會死埃。


      42、雖然你身上噴了古龍水,但我還是能隱約聞到一股人渣味兒。


      43、英雄難過美人關,我不是英雄,美人讓我過了關。


      44、男人的大腦喜歡女人的內心,但是眼睛喜歡女人的外表。


      45、女人喜歡長得壞壞的男人,不是喜歡長壞了的男人。


      46、咸魚翻身,還是咸魚。


      47、我又不是王子,為什么女孩遇見我總認為自己應該成為公主。


      48、結婚就是給自由穿件棉衣,活動起來不方便,但會很溫暖。


      49、知識就像內-褲,看不見但很重要。


      50、人不犯我,我不犯人;人若犯我,禮讓三分;人再犯我,我還一針;人還犯我,斬草除根。


      51、我允許你走進我的世界,但不許你在我的世界里走來走去。


      52、明騷易躲,暗賤難防。


      53、天沒降大任于我,照樣苦我心智,勞我筋骨。


      54、執子之手,方知子丑,淚流滿面,子不走我走。


      55、紅豆不長南國,長我臉上了,真相思!


      56、念了十幾年書,想起來還是幼兒園比較好混!


      57、我的優點是:我很帥;但是我的缺點是:我帥的不明顯。


      58、我當年也是個癡情的種子,結果下了場雨……淹死了。


      59、西游記告訴我們:凡是有后臺的妖怪都被接走了,凡是沒后臺的都被一棒子打死了。


      60、我詛咒你一輩子買方便面沒有調料包。


      61、小樹不修不成材、小孩不打不成器。


      62、單身并不難,難的是應付那些千方百計想讓你結束單身的人 。


      63、幸福是什么?幸福就是你吃魚,我吃肉,看著別人啃骨頭。


      64、人生就像蒲公英,沒事盡量少吹。


      65、你的長相很提神。


      66、我覺得世界上就只有兩種人能吸引人,一種是特漂亮的一種就是你這樣的。


      67、再完美的身材,在不愛她的人的眼里,也是一種解調侃的作料。


      68、大女人不可一日無權,小女人不可一日無錢!


      69、不是我不笑,一笑粉就掉!


      70、青春獻給了房子,中年獻給了孩子。


      71、我總在牛A與牛C之間徘徊。


      72、空白是白色的嗎?


      73、長得丑的女孩子我一般不甩她,但你是個例外。


      74、不吃飽哪有力氣減肥啊?


      75、念了十幾年書,還是幼兒園比較好混!


      76、連廣告也信,讀書讀傻了吧!


      77、爺爺都是從孫子走過來的.


      78、沒什么事不要找我,有事更不用找我。


      79、男人沒賺到錢時女人著急,男人賺到錢時女人后悔。


      80、小時候,她父母始終相信女大十八變,丑小鴨會變白天鵝!長大后的某天,爸爸很專注地看著她,然后語重心長地說:“孩子,你還是用功讀書吧…”


      81、想污染一個地方有兩種方法:垃圾,或是鈔票!


      82、誰說我白,瘦,漂亮,我就跟他做好朋友。


      83、房價越來越高,所以,好男人越來越少。


      84、不怕虎一樣的敵人,就怕豬一樣的隊友!


      85、拿份報紙上廁所,俺是讀書人。


      86、大學四年沒有一個女生問過我路,今天第一次開寶馬回母校辦點事,結果一會功夫就有五個女生來問路。


      87、下輩子我還找你,因為除了我,你是最傻的。


      88、女人擁有無數個QQ號只為了調戲一個男人,男人常用一個QQ號上面加滿各種各樣的女人。


      89、老婆看完幾個我在大學交的女友照片后,一個勁地夸我不好色,555……


      90、小姑娘們夢中都想找一匹白馬,睜開眼發現滿世界都是灰不溜秋的驢,悲痛欲絕后,只能從驢群中挑個身強力壯的,這樣的驢就被命名為:經濟適用男 。


      91、56、女人會為感情放棄事業,而男人會為了事業放棄感情;女人會被為了感情放棄事業的男人感動,但會留在為了事業放棄感情的男人身邊!


      92、女人就像書架上的書,雖然你買了她,但在你買之前她多多少少被幾個男人翻過。


      93、男人和老婆的關系再差,他和岳母的關系也是好的;女人和老公的關系再好,她和婆婆的關系也是差的。


      94、如果照鏡子要上稅,恐怕有些女人會破產。


      95、人又不聰明,還學人家禿頂!


      96、我寧愿你抱著別的女人想我,也不愿你抱著我想別的女人。


      97、QQ上多了,什么企鵝沒見過?


      98、只要鋤頭舞的好,那有墻角挖不倒?


      99、玫瑰真便宜,都可以送老婆了。


      100、男人有外遇體現在工作越來越忙,女人有外遇體現在做的菜越來越咸。


      文章標題:100句幽默詼諧的搞笑語錄

      文章地址:http://www.3dktu.com/gaoxiaoyulu/9612.html 版權所有,轉載請注明出處。


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